Payne and Pleasure 8.16.04
By William Payne
OK, so Botoxulun calls for a "more sensitive" War on Terror. Our glorious Vice President then attacks Senator Married-Two-Whacko-Heiresses, saying that al-Qaeda would be a bit more afraid of a President who tells terrorists to "bring it on" than one who advocates a "more sesitive" War. Here's how the Trial Lawyers' Vice Presidential candidate responds:
"He took that word and distorted and tried to use it to argue John Kerry will not keep the American people safe," Edwards said. "He's talking about a man who still carries shrapnel in his body. He's talking about a man who spilled his blood for the United States of America."
OH MY DEAR LORD! Ok, yes, John sKerry served in Viet Nam for under four months, the shortest tour on record of a swift boat commander, during wich he incurred the aforementioned shrapnel wound not from enemy fire as he claimed, but instead a rocket launcher malfunction accordign to the accounts of all of the crew members of the boat and the doctor who treated Seantor Botox, who testified that the Senator did not require medical attention for his wound. He also lied about being in Cambodia for Christmas of 1968. It doesn't make much sense, espcially since it was NIXON who ordered the expansion of the War into Cambodia, not LBJ, the President on Christmas 1968. Mr. Kerry also, of course, carried along a video camera to record his exploits in Viet Nam, and specifically told his crewmates that he planned to use it in a future run for political office. Of course, after he returned from his record-short tour of duty (while our President was training to fly dangerous, supersonic F-106s to shoot down Soviet nuclear bombers- for which the Michael Moore creature and DNC Chairman Terry McAwful deemed HIM unfit for the position fo Commander-in-Chief- It should also be noted that the President was in a lot more danger flying his fighters than Botoxulun was for a few short months in Viet Nam, statistically), after all of that, Michael Dukakis' future running mate for the MA governorship then proceeded to testify that the vast majority of US troops were war criminals- utter beasts- a claim that he had no evidence to support nor one that anyone else who was actually there (and wasn't a V-C jungle scout or anything) supports. But anyways, yes, we know he served in Viet Nam, and when I say "served in Viet Nam" I mean spent five years with "Hanoi Jane" Fonda and VVAW. However, for better or for worse, that was in 1968. This is 2004, in case no one noticed. We're fighting terrorists in Iraq, not V-C scum in Viet Nam. Him servign his short little tour in Viet Nam might've been a legitimate pass into office once, say his run for Congress in 1972 that he LOST as a VVAW in Nixon's 1972 Electoral Tidal Wave.Or even to become uberliberal Michael Dukakis' Lieutenant Governor in 1982. But, as Max Cleland nicely showed us in 2002, after you've served in office, yourcredentials for reelection or promotion come from your performance in office, not prior war experience. Max "Stumpy" Cleland of course DID serve in Viet Nam, and lost three limbs after dropping a grenade two days after a major engagement while getting onto a helicopter.That did not, however, in the eyes of the people of the great state of Georgia (*nods towards Clayton, Jack, Daniel, etc. from Georgia*), excuse his embarassing vote to keep Saddam Hussein in power. Senator Botox is making the same mistake as Senator "Oops! I dropped a grenade!"- he can't survive by running on 3 and a half months in Viet Nam. He has to run on the issues. Senator Botox and Senator 1-800-SUE-4-CASH could've responded to Cheney by challenging the Bush Administration's treatement of detainees in Guantanamo and prisoners at *EXASPERATED SIGH* Abu Gharib. Although i disagree witht he left-wing view of there issues, I respect it more than the Democrats' current evasion of the issue in favour of a supposedly appealing four month stay in Viet Nam!
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