Left Jabs 8.3.04
By Lou Franklin


Ladies and gentlemen, my political leanings may be clearer than grandma’s underpants, but I am first and foremost a journalist. Therefore, when something important happens, I must put aside my personal biases and look at the event from an objective perspective. It is with this in mind that I impart this very significant news to you in a respectable manner, regardless of my own beliefs.

The Democratic National Convention was a huge success.

That is correct folks. I state this not as an opinion, but as a fact. The entire convention was a wall-to-wall salute to America and the ideals of real Americans instead of the wealthiest one percent sitting in their mansions and scoffing at the gall of the commoners. This July we struck a blow against the real evil regime. Every Democrat from the most liberal to the most moderate united under the time tested leadership of Senator John F. Kerry. We even had a few dozen republican Kerry supporters there too. That ought to scare the pants off the G.O.P. If defections are not a clue that you are doing something wrong, I do not know how else to tell you. There is no greater sight than a stockpile (if you will pardon the expression) of Democrats united under one leader with one message. Simply breathtaking.

The first night could have blown the whole country away by itself. Jimmy Carter, not traditionally known for his eloquence, spoke like the elder statesman of the good guys that he is. I wonder how many Nobel Peace Prize winners are going to speak at the Republican Convention. Never mind, I retract the inquiry. We all know the conservative position on peace.

Bill Clinton continued to prove why he is the greatest orator of our time. Make whatever arguments you want about his ideas or his actions or his conduct in the Oval Office, but here is a man who can stand up in front of a group of several thousand strangers and connect with every one of them. Bill has undeniable charisma that Dubya can only dream of speaking with. Of course Bill was flanked by his irrepressible wife Hilary, preparing to follow Kerry’s lead after 2012. Finally who can forget Al Gore, or the vital message he bestowed upon the delegates: every single vote matters. He spoke with such conviction and poise that he showed any naysayers who the president should have been. I must admit I felt a twinge of sadness seeing Gore kiss his lovely wife, and wondering what might have been if Florida had a competent state government. This should have been his reelection convention. However, I take heart that the revenge will come soon.

All other speakers declared their united message and support for John Kerry. Ted Kennedy compared our struggle to that of our founding fathers, considering we’re fighting against a king named George who inherited the crown. Barack spoke so well and so poignantly that he may have even given Slick Willy a run for his money. Al Sharpton had the line of the convention when he said, “We were promised forty acres and a mule. We never got the mule, so we’re gonna ride this donkey as far as it takes us.” Beautiful, just beautiful. God Bless Ron Reagan. He stood up in front of a crowd who had every right to reject him for his last name and spoke on one of the most important issues of the twenty first century. Such bravery and valor should be commended. It must have been difficult to give such a speech, bipartisan though it was, with all the criticism he was likely to receive from the conservatives for “dishonoring” his father’s memory. I hate to break it to you right wingers, but if there is one thing “The Great Communicator” stood for, it was great communication. At what venue would the son of a Republican president receive more attention than the Democratic National Convention?

The speakers kept getting better and better. Kucinich shined. Howard Dean spoke with a tempered yet fiery kick. Teresa Heinz-Kerry gave the speech of a first lady that will go down in the history books. She was not subdued, pulled no punches, and spoke the truth, whether it was pleasant to hear or not. Laura Bush could take a few notes if she really wants to show the steel behind the smile. Of course where would the convention have been without the brilliant speech of future Vice President John Edwards? No other individual could fire up this convention like our favorite son of a mill worker. How could any clear thinking person vote for Cheney over Edwards? The very idea is insane.

Finally of course, the crowning jewel in this sea of treasures was John Kerry’s acceptance speech. The Silver Star, Bronze Star, and three time Purple Heart winner reported for duty in front of America. He clearly stated the goals he would achieve when, not if, he is elected. The line that still stands out in my mind is “America will go to war because we have to not because we want to. Take a good look USA, because this man is the future. If you were not convinced before that Kerry will lead us into a new golden age, surely that speech made you a believer. I know right now things look rough, but take heart. Hope is on the way.

My name is Lou Franklin and you have been jabbed.

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