It's Humpday! (Schoolgirl Giggle)
Welcome Back my friends to the show that never....oh wait...this thing does end huh? That kind of puts a damper on this introduction, but anyways. I hope you all managed to survive Wednesday; it's all downhill from here. In Andrew related news, hooray for the freshman sex retreat! Not that I'm either a freshman nor need to see a diagram of the human body, but because all the freshman were gone today, I was treated to walk in Spanish class and got to come home early, ah such awesomeness. Well lets dive into the news shall we?
First Shirts, Then Hats, Then Oversized Decorative Panchos!
NEW YORK (Reuters) -- A lawyer was arrested late Monday and charged with trespassing at a public mall in the state of New York after refusing to take off a T-shirt advocating peace that he had just purchased at the mall.
According to the criminal complaint filed Monday, Stephen Downs was wearing a T-shirt bearing the words "Give Peace A Chance" that he had just purchased from a vendor inside the Crossgates Mall in Guilderland, New York, near Albany.
"I was in the food court with my son when I was confronted by two security guards and ordered to either take off the T-shirt or leave the mall," said Downs.
When Downs refused the security officers' orders, police from the town of Guilderland were called and he was arrested and taken away in handcuffs, charged with trespassing "in that he knowingly enter(ed) or remain(ed) unlawfully upon premises," the complaint read.
Downs said police tried to convince him he was wrong in his actions by refusing to remove the T-shirt because the mall "was like a private house and that I was acting poorly.
"I told them the analogy was not good and I was then hauled off to night court where I was arraigned after pleading not guilty and released on my own recognizance," Downs told Reuters in a telephone interview.
Downs is the director of the Albany Office of the state Commission on Judicial Conduct, which investigates complaints of misconduct against judges and can admonish, censure or remove judges found to have engaged in misconduct.
Calls to the Guilderland police and district attorney, Anthony Cardona and to officials at the mall were not returned for comment.
Downs is due back in court for a hearing on March 17.
He could face up to a year in prison if convicted.
What a load of crap. To quote the great Homer Simpson, "It doesn't mean anything, it's just like 'ring-a-ding-a-dangle' or 'give peace a chance'." First of all, in this country, there's this little thing guaranteed in the Bill of Rights called Freedom of Expression. Second of all, it's not like Mr. Downs was burning a flag, or, heaven forbid, a bra. He was wearing a freaking T-shirt! Whether or not you agree with the statement on his T-shirt, no one has the right to force him to remove it in a public place. It's much less offensive then about 200 other shirts that could probably have been found in that mall. For example: "Bitch and Proud", "The South will rise again!", "Abercrombie and Fitch". However, no matter how stupid you or I find these shirts to be, anyone has the right to wear them in public. Store owners also have the right to refuse to service to these people, but it's not the place of law enforcement to be the fashion police, much less the freedom police.
Frankly, I think the T-shirt is pretty stupid. There are many better anti-war slogans out there, for instance "Shave Bush", "Don't Bomb Sadam", or if you're looking for a classic "Make Love Not War". Nevertheless, if this guy is convicted and gets a year in prison for wearing a t-shirt, you might just see me on the next flight to Cananada. Probably not, but you never know eh?
Mommy...What's Shamu doing to that baby seal?
SEATTLE, Washington (Reuters) -- Endangered Seattle salmon are breathing more easily after a traveling troupe of killer whales took a big bite out of the area's harbor seal population during a two-month feeding binge, wildlife experts say.
Distraught seals huddling on shore in Hood Canal near Bremerton, Washington, are safe to go back in the water, though perhaps half of their friends will not be there, having been chomped down by 13 whales, which have finally left town.
"At the end of last week the seals were up on the bank quivering," said Steve Jeffries, a marine mammal biologist at the Washington State Department of Fish and Wildlife. "This was a perfect place to be a killer whale, probably a bad spot if you happened to be a harbor seal."
The killer whales, or orcas, were likely drawn by the ample supply of some 1,500 Hood Canal seals, growing as large as 250 pounds (114 kg) on a steady diet of 200 salmon a day.
The seals added to the strain on local salmon runs already depleted by pollution, habitat loss, fishing and hydroelectric dams interrupting their lengthy river migrations.
The visiting transient whales, which can grow to as large as 10 tons, have thinned out the herd, giving salmon a better chance to get past the voracious seals when they leave the ocean and head back upstream to spawn in the fall.
"It will probably benefit salmon runs in the short term and in the long run we expect the seal population to recover. This is probably just a natural cycle," Jeffries said, adding that the seal population in surrounding waters is about 30,000, up from 7,000 or so 30 years ago.
The striking black-and-white orcas are a cousin of the popular resident orcas, which eat salmon in the waters off the Pacific Coast from Washington to Alaska. They too have declined in numbers in recent years.
Transient orcas eat mammals like gray whale calves and California sea lions and even some birds. The visitors will likely head north next, except for one orca that typically migrates southward to California, Jeffries said.
"From everything we can tell, they were just in there doing their normal, transient foraging behavior," he added.
Ah, nature truly is beautiful aye? Just imagine that you're a little seal, chilling out, munching on some salmon when BANG! Willy's free and he's huuuuuungry! I don't really have much commentary on this story, I just found it very interesting. Another instance of how our world is self regulating.
Finally! Money that matches my capri pants!
NEW YORK (CNN/Money) - The federal government will unveil a new $20 bill that will introduce a predominant but subtle color into the background, marking the first time in modern history that a U.S. bill will feature a color other than green.
According to the Treasury Department, other changes will include new images of Andrew Jackson and the White House, as well as other adjustments that are being kept secret. The official unveiling will take place on March 27, with the new bill entering circulation in the fall.
The last redesign of American currency was in 1996, when a new $100 bill was introduced with new features to thwart counterfeiters. A new $50 came in 1997, followed by the $20 in 1998 and new $5 and $10 notes in 2000.
New features on those notes included new ink that appeared black from one angle and green from another; a watermark, visible only when holding the bill up to the light; and a security strip that ran vertically through the bill. While these features also will be included on the new redesigned bills, they may not fix the problem of counterfeiting. (Credit: CNN/Money)
Think of the possibilities. Maybe they'll have a big vote on it like they did M&Ms, but this really isn't as important so who knows. How many images of Andrew Jackson could there possible be? I mean basically every bill has a portrait on it, he couldn't possibly look that different. As for new pictures of the White House, preliminary reports say the current image will be changed to reflect the current state of affairs and show Secret Service agents hiding behind trees and in the bird bath. Just to personalize this event somewhat, my counterfitting ring ended when I realized the soda machine wouldn't take Monopoly Money or money from the Game Of Life.
You Could Be The Next "Person Andrew's Never Heard Of!"
(Entertainment Weekly) -- And that big surprise Simon was alluding to that would shock all of us was...that the alternates they'd chosen were horrible?
Of all the people that performed from around the world, our judges couldn't find people better than Aliceyn (who should have been eliminated simply due to her name spelling) and Olivia?
Clearly, there was a goal with the wild-card round. The producers obviously felt like the finalists voted in thus far weren't exactly the most telegenic bunch. Sure, they're probably thinking, Ruben and Kimberley Locke have the talent, but are they really going to bring in ratings week after week?
After all, even if you were deaf last year, you could have appreciated the undeniable hotness of Justin, Kelly, Tamyra, Ryan, et al. And in this age of Britney and Christina, can a pop idol look like a Jenny Craig poster child? I don't know the answer, but it seems that the producers of the show think they do -- and it's a resounding ''No!''
So, clearly, singers who look sexy in revealing navel-baring ensembles got the chance to perform again for America. Trenyce put on her best sheer outfit (which made her look no classier than a 42nd Street hooker), Janine showed plenty of skin, and Nasheka thought some nice threads would mask her lack of personality. And still, it was one of the least attractive (by conventional opinion, at least) and least done-up who blew us all away.
No doubt, Clay Aiken should be allowed into the finals. ''You're looking fly,'' Randy complimented. Well, not as fly as Justin ever looked, but you could probably listen to Clay's voice long after Justin's drove you crazy.
He's never going to be on the cover of Tiger Beat, and fourth-grade girls may not spend boring Social Studies classes drawing his name over and over again in their notebook margins, but the guy might just be the next Kelly Clarkson. (Credit: Jessica Shaw, Entertainment Weekly)
Before I say anything I just wanted to show you the picture on the webpage:
Pardon me a moment
...
...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
First of all, his hair looks like he stuck his finger in an electrical socket. His head looks like an upside-down candy corn. His ears look like two open car doors. It seems like two hair slugs died above his eyes, and the guy just looks generally nerdy. It's as if Screech got the WB makeover.
On to the mindless drivel that is reality television. I will admit, I watched the first two seasons of survivor, and I have been known to watch True Life on MTV, and in all honesty, some reality T.V. is pretty good. This, however, is crap. British guy whose rod up his ass has a rod up its ass, flaky washed up female pop singer, and token black guy judge who will be the next "pop superstar." Give me a break. Oh yes, and Miss Shaw, in case you haven't noticed, pretty much any and all pop singers are "singers who look sexy in revealing navel-baring ensembles" plus a little studio magic. I won't deny that some have talent, but mixing greatly magnifies said talent. Oh, and by the way, my life's ambition is to have my name written in fourth grade girls' social studies notebooks, and most definately to be the next Kelly Clarkson. I've been dying to wear heels since I was a pre-teen.
E-mail, Shemail
And now I'd like to bring you a snippet from one of my absolute favorite websites on the internet at www.straightdope.com. It's run by Cecil Adams and friend and has all sorts of cool information. This little bit combines two of my favorite things: teaching the ignorant and yiddish! Enjoy!
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Dear Straight Dope:
What is the origin of the practice of a dispraging a word by saying the word than dropping the first letter and replacing it with "schm?" For example, if you don't like baseball, you would say "baseball schmaseball." --STECK!
SDSTAFF Dex replies:
It comes from Yiddish, of course. You have to ask?
Yiddish was the language of eastern European (or Ashkenazic) Jews. Yiddish is not Hebrew. Hebrew is the 3,000 year old language used by the Jews for prayer and religious ceremonies (along with Aramaic) and is the official language of the state of Israel.
Yiddish uses the letters of the Hebrew alphabet, and is written from right to left (like Hebrew.) But less that a fifth of Yiddish words are of Hebrew origin. Perhaps as much as 75% of Yiddish vocabulary consists of adaptations of German words, with bits from Polish, Russian, Romanian, Ukrainian, various Slavic dialects, and (since the late 1880s) English. Spelling is largely phonetic, although there has been some standardization in the last century.
Around the tenth century, Jews from what is now northern France, who spoke Old French (and Hebrew), moved to towns along the Rhine, where they began to use the local German dialect, which they adopted and adapted. They wrote German phonetically with their Hebrew alphabet. They avoided Latin and its alphabet, because Latin was associated with Christendom and persecutions.
As Yiddish developed, there was obviously a heavy Hebrew influence (names, holidays, religious matters). Words were added from other languages as Jews traveled. Yiddish became the language of the home, as opposed to the sacred language Hebrew. Leo Rosten, in The Joys of Yiddish, calls Yiddish a "linguistic melange" that flourished in eastern Europe, in the ghettos. (The Lateran Councils of 1179 and 1215 prohibited Jews from living close to Christians and thus the ghettos were born.) Since the Jews were segregated, Yiddish did not evolve along with German, and thus, to a modern German speaker, Yiddish has irregularities in grammar and spelling.
Yiddish did evolve, of course, but independently. By the 15th century, when Jews moved to eastern Europe, Yiddish picked up new words and phrases mainly from the street and market.
Yiddish is only one of the many vernacular languages fashioned by Jews throughout the ages. You can still find Judeo-Greek, Judeo-Persian, Farsi-Tar used by Jews in the Caucasus Mountains, and Ladino used by Jews in the south of Europe. But Yiddish is the language that was the most widespread, adapted most vigorously, and has flourished best. At one time (1920s), about two-thirds of world Jewry spoke Yiddish; the Holocaust, of course, ended that.
I have to add a personal comment: during WWII, my father-in-law was in the American army, in one of the advance units moving into Germany. He was the translator when his unit encountered German civilians, because he spoke Yiddish--as close to German as his unit was going to get.
Linguistically, Yiddish is technically classified as Judeo-German, with bits of Old French and Old Italian. There are three types of Yiddish: Lithuanian, Polish, and Ukranian. Lithuanian Yiddish predominates in the U.S.
When Jews fled the pogroms (government-sponsored riots and persecutions) of Europe to the U.S. beginning in the late 1800s, they brought Yiddish with them. The language adapted with borrowed English words, which were given new case, mood, and inflection. Thoughts were rearranged to meet traditional Yiddish syntax ("Him you call a genius?"), logic was rearranged ("I didn't go and I didn't not go") and English words and names were cheerfully adapted (Abraham Lincohen, Judge Vashington).
The borrowing was two-way: American English adapted phrases from Yiddish. Nosh, shmo, schmuck, gonif, hoohah, yenta, -nik (as in beatnik), and several hundred others. Phrases such as "get lost," "you should live so long," "my son, the doctor," "alright already," "excuse the expression," "on him it looks good," "it shouldn't happen to a dog" . . . the list goes on.
Rosten says words and phrases aren't the main contribution of Yiddish to English, but linguistic devices (we're getting to your question, be patient).
Rosten cites the following wonderful array of insult and innuendo, adapted into English from Yiddish. The problem is whether to attend a concert being given by a niece. The same sentence is put through the following paces, depending on emphasis:
I should buy two tickets for her concert?--meaning:, "After what she did to me?"
I should buy two tickets for her concert?--meaning: "What, you're giving me a lesson in ethics?"
I should buy two tickets for her concert?--meaning: I wouldn't go even if she were giving out free passes!
I should buy two tickets for her concert?--meaning: I'm having enough trouble deciding whether it's worth one
.
I should buy two tickets for her concert?--She should be giving out free passes, or the hall will be empty.
I should buy two tickets for her concert?--Did she buy tickets to our daughter's recital?
I should buy two tickets for her concert?--You mean, they call what she does a "concert"?
In addition, Rosten cites the following examples of linguistic devices in English, that are Yiddish in origin, to "convey nuances of affection, compassion, displeasure, emphasis, disbelief, skepticism, ridicule, sarcasm, and scorn."
Mordant syntax: "Smart, he isn't."
Sarcasm through innocuous diction: "He only tried to shoot himself."
Scorn through reversed word order: "Already you're discouraged?"
Contempt through affirmation: "My partner, he wants to be."
Fearful curses sanctioned by nominal cancellation: "May all your teeth fall out except one, so that you can have a toothache, God forbid."
Derisive dismissal disguised an innocent interrogation: "I should pay him for such devoted service?"
And (finally, we get to it!):
Blithe dismissal via repetition with an sh- play-on-the-first-sound: "The mayor? Mayor, Shmayor, it's his wife who runs the town!"
The use of sh- or shm- isn't merely dismissal-- it's a pooh-poohing with blatant mockery.
"The doctor says he has a serious virus? Virus, shmirus, as long as he's healthy."
"Who said that? Fred? Fred, Shmed, what does he know?"
"The psychiatrist says he has an Oedipus complex. Oedipus, Shmoedipus, so long as he loves his mother."
As to the origin of the sh- sound for this derision, we can only speculate. There are a number of Yiddish words of aspersion that start with sh- or shm-: shmo (a jerk) , shlemiel (the person who always spills the soup), shlmazel (the person on whom the soup gets spilled by the shlemiel), shnook (a meek patsy), schnorrer (beggar, panhandler, cheapskate, chiseler, bum), shloomp (a drip), schmuck (dick-head, son-of-a-bitch), et al. Perhaps that's the way it began.
While we're on the subject of Yiddish, another expression whose origin people wonder about is, "What am I, chopped liver?"
We consulted an excellent website about all things Jewish, Ask the Rabbi (www.ohr.org.il/web/index/askfull.htm ).
According to this site, the phrase was coined in America. Chopped liver is a side dish and never a main course, so the phrase is used to express hurt and amazement when someone feels overlooked, i.e., treated as a "side dish."
As if I had to tell you.
--SDSTAFF Dex
Straight Dope Science Advisory Board
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Well that's all for today ladies and gentlemen. I hope you enjoyed this edition of The Bueno Master Speaks I'm excited to announce that we have a new Columnist here in The Corner at BuenoMaster.com, Joshua H. Josh will be checking in tomorow with the very first edition of Thoughts from the Depths. There will be more suprises this week, so keep checking back. Until Next Time, Happy Trails.
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